Well quite frankly I’m gutted that poor John & Edward were booted off X Factor last night thus destroying in one fell swoop my conviction that anyone, I mean anyone, talent or no talent, can have a UK Singles Chart Number One over christmas.
I quote Rolf Harris, Benny Hill, Mr Blobby, Little Jimmy Osmond and Winifred Atwell and rest my case.
My family are also gutted that I now have no object of support left on the show and instead will revert to my normal X Factor mode of derision, withering pointed criticism of the gaggle of remaining no-marks who would have to consider themselves lucky to be handed the mic for one song at The Wise Owl Talent Contest night, a talent contest that was dominated by a well-known cousin of mine and his mate Pouch demonstrating their knowledge of at least two Shadows tunes, and a drunk old lad doing Popeye impressions.
There is no doubt that one of the remaining X Factor finalists will have the number one UK single at christmas, in the same way that there is no doubt that the same person will never be heard from again, having disappeared into the Syco Pop Star Machine and being spat out into the skip marked “also ran”.
And then there was Susan Boyle…
My god, I never thought I’d live to witness the day when someone could take a classic Rolling Stones song, cover it, and make it sound so bad that I wouldn’t actually recognise what it was until the performer was halfway through – it takes some impressive talent to be able to do that, I’m not sure what you could do with a talent to destroy songs like that, maybe a summer season in Skegness, but still, impressive anyway, “Wild Horses” who would have thought it eh ?
The only fun thing left for me now is to vote for Katie Price to do another Bush Tucker Trial, I don’t think that woman has done enough work in that camp yet, its costing a fortune for me to keep voting for her on Suzannes mobile phone, and shes starting to wonder where that £10 credit that she put on it on Friday has gone, I do hope she tops it up today…


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