The Bullworker was the other thing that our dad ordered from a small classified advertisement in a sunday newspaper (the first being the Magic Razor Comb of Doom).
Whilst the reason for ordering the Magic Razor Comb of Doom is obvious, I have no idea why he ordered a Bullworker.
Presumably in his 40-somethings he felt that there was a need to resemble one of the muscle bound oafs in the Bullworker adverts, the Charles Atlas type figures who pose with their shirts off, smiling at the camera as they feign gainful exercise from the piston type stretchy device.
I can’t recall my father ever using his Bullworker on a regular basis.
It arrived in the house after a long period of waiting – that was the thing about applying for stuff from the classified adverts, it took ages for them to arrive, most adverts included the line “Allow 30 days for delivery” as in days of yore before internet banking you had to wait an age for your cheque or postal order to clear at the bank, and then an equal age for the Post Office to deliver your goods, usually after everyone in the sorting office had had a go on your Bullworker, “Might get one of these myself Arthur, in fact, I might have this one”
And so here we must stop and explain what a Bullworker is for those fortunate people who’s life so far has not crossed paths with the “isometric exercise device”.
First, stretch your arms out wide, as wide as you can. Now imagine there is a very strong spring connecting the palms of your hands together, a spring that cannot be compressed by human force alone – now try and compress that spring using just your hands and arms and without the aid of a friend or machinery of any kind.
That was the Bullworker that was, the uncompressable spring was hidden inside two chrome cylinders, one of which slid inside the other and occasionally if you were feeling very fit you could get one of the cylinders to slide inside the other by a factor of almost one inch. Two nylon covered steel cables one the outside of the cylinders completed the affair enabling you an alternative means to try the compression feat by pulling on the cables in an archery style.
The Bullworker came complete with a wall poster advising you of twenty or more different ways to use the marvellous muscle building tool, by repeating all of the routines at least twenty times a day you too could soon have a body like one of those strange men with shoulders so broad that they have to walk sideways through doorways and yet with waists so narrow that they buy their underpants in the “Boyswear” department.
Neither our father, nor Ned, nor I, nor several of our friends on school holidays, could ever get the Bullworker to compress beyond the one inch absolute, our Bullworker must have been made for real bulls to exercise with, our Bullworker must have been the bovine model, our Bullworker could have been driven over by a bus and it would not have compressed at all, I think the postmen in the sorting office had broken our Bullworker when they were playing with it in the two weeks before they decided to deliver it to us, “You’ve broken it now Arthur, put it back in the box and deliver it will you”
Later on in life, as I progressed into late teenage years and the wide shouldered-look of those Bullworker, somewhat pervy, wall charts became a desireable alternative to my narrow framework with no discernable musculartary control at all, I discovered one extra use for the Bullworker that was not mentioned on the wall chart – the only way that I could make the compressible springy-thing give the impression of me as Charles Atlas was to stand it upright on the floor and get the whole of my family to lean on one end, compressing it just enough to slip inside the shoulders of a jacket or coat, then release said isometric exercise device to create the desired broad shouldered look, similar to leaving your coathanger inside your clothes all day.
The more you describe that thing the more I seem to recall having something very similar. And you’re right. It was impossible to use as an exercise devise and and absolutely no other uses. NONE!
I remember that my dad used to have a Bullworker and was a frequent user of it too (wouldn’t be surprised if he still did!). He was strong enough to use it properly but was a professional rugby league forward in his younger days. I used it a few times in my late teens but much preferred proper weights in the gym. Thanks for bringing back some memories!