My brave sports injury

I have a sports injury.

I know, unbelievable isn’t it, I can hardly believe it myself.

Me, a sports injury, who would have thunk it ?

All these years, 53 of them actually without a broken bone to my name and nary even a sprain, 53 years of slovenly behaviour, all those years when my peers were playing football in Sunday Leagues while I preferred to wait for them in the pub, those friends of mine all have knackered knees, dodgy groins and operation scars now, me, I have not an ailment to my name, my doctor does not know my name, my pharmacist would not know me if I wore a name tag.

Until now.

Since I remounted the bike this summer I have noticed a clicking at the side of my right knee, its this, apparently …

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The Iliotibial band is a sheath of thick, fibrous connective tissue which attaches at the top to both the iliac crest (hip bone) and the Tensor fascia latae muscle. It then runs down the outside of the thigh and inserts into the outer surface of the Tibia (shin bone). Its purpose is to extend the knee joint (straighten it) as well as to abduct the hip (move it out sideways).

As the ITB passes over the lateral epicondyle of the femur (bony part on the outside of the knee) it is prone to friction. At an angle of approximately 20-30 degrees the IT band flicks across the lateral epicondyle. When the knee is being straightened it flicks in front of the epicondyle and when it is bent, it flicks back behind.

Iliotibial band syndrome is common in runners as 20-30 degrees is the approximate angle at the knee when the foot strikes the ground during running. In persons who run regularly this may lead to irritation of the ITB commonly known as iliotibial band friction syndrome.

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Just as I thought, “My Illiotibial band that is” is what I thought when I felt it clicking, it was the first thing that sprang to mind, “Oooh, that Illiotibial band is playing up a bit” I thought, “I must do something about that”

And of course I haven’t done anything about it, it just clicks, its not painful in any way at all, it just clicks when I bend my knee, clicks on the outside, its my sports injury of honour for now I can bend the knee slowly, feign a wince of pain and gasp through gritted teeth to strangers “Its ok, its ok, just an old sports injury you know, the Illiotibial band actually…”

I did have one other sports injury once…

I hurt my toe when I kicked a brick on the beach at Whitley Bay one evening – game of impromptu football with some of the lads in the shabby digs we stayed in, football produced from somewhere, jumpers for goalposts, five a side and then lots of beer int he pub afterwards, me taking a free kick attempting to lob the ball into the penalty area, went under the ball, toe dug down into the sand to find a housebrick laying in wait – what business has a housebrick got burying itself on a sandy beach, what was all that about, how do housebricks get to be on the beach, was there a house there once, did it fall down and cast itself along the length of the beach to lie barely hidden for the next football victim ?

I know not, my big toe was a right mess though, I swore it was broken, it may have been for all I knew, I didn’t seek medical advice of course for I am male, we don’t do things like that, I simply let it hurt for many days, let it turn completely black, then blue, then every colour of the rainbow, let my nail eventually fall off until many months later it stopped hurting and even now on a cold day it clicks.

Thats two bits of me that click now, I click and when I sit down I involuntarily say “oooof”, when I stand up I have to hold my knee and involuntarily say “eurgh”, soon I will be frequently asking for “a nice cup of tea and a bit of cake please” and will be queueing outside the Post Office on a Thursday morning.

Its started, I’m getting old.

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