Video Saturday – Willie Nelson

If only I could look like Willie Nelson in my dotage (hair would be a good start), I’d be your neighbour who never puts his bins out, I’d be the neighbour who never opens his curtains from one week to the next just so he doesn’t have to bother washing his windows, the neighbour that all the street talks about, they’d stand outside my house and in hushed whispers say “What is he doing in there ?”, I’d be the neighbour who never cuts his lawn, keeps a dozen cats, has four cars in the driveway and none of them have wheels on, I’d go to the Post Office on a Thursday morning for my pension riding one of those old folks electric scooters and wouldn’t deviate from a straight line on the pavement no matter who or what was in my way, I’d leave a wake of run-over feet, sore backs-of-ankles and shopkeepers advertising boards lying crushed and splintered in the gutter. I’d only speak in grunts, fart in the queue at the Post office and not care, say “Gertcha” to any kid who stared, buy tinned cat food and make the checkout girl think that it was for me, if the neighbours sent me christmas cards I’d post them back through their letterbox late at night with “BAH!” written on the envelope, my underwear would be older than my teeth, would be grey with age and I’d wash it once a blue moon and hang it to dry for a week in the front garden where everyone could see it, if people knocked at my door I’d stick a shotgun barrel through the letterbox and shout “He’s not in”, the Inland Revenue would not have heard from me in forty years, I’d start rumours that I’d once been a sea captain until a mermaid broke my heart and I ran aground off Filey Brigg, I sold the ship and its cargo for scrap without telling the owners and now live under an assumed name off the proceeds, people would believe that in my garden I had buried dozens of sealed jam jars containing a kings ransom in old five pound notes and occasionally I’d try to spend one of them at the local pub just to stoke the rumours again…

…and then once a year on a warm summers evening while all the neighbours are out in their gardens enjoying a late evening barbeque I’d sit on my back doorstep with an old five string guitar and I’d sing like Willie Nelson…

5 thoughts on “Video Saturday – Willie Nelson

  1. You sound like the Brit version of a redneck. Still, I’ve always enjoyed Willie’s songs, if not the look. All the real cattlemen I know don’t look anything like that. George Strait fits the look, and can he ever sing.

  2. You’ve just destroyed my one remaining illusion, cowboys simply cannot look like George Strait, thats like saying Liberace was a roustabout on an oil rig.

  3. Oh but the REAL ONES often do dress like George. Creased wranglers, starched long sleeve shirt, polished boots, and a silver belle stetson. They have manners, a dry sense of humor, and can be the best friend ever. Makes this ol heart go faster…

  4. I’ve got one more thing to say – doesn’t Kris Kristofferson look old?

    You know you look old when you sit next to Willie Nelson and its you that everyone comments on looking old – its that moustache that does it, if he shaved it off he’d look 20 years younger, grey moustaches make you look like a fifteen year old black labrador with its grey muzzle.

  5. I did think that KK looked older than dirt. My ex has had a mustache for many years and it has gotten very gray over time. So, ever the helpmate, I waited til he had gone to sleep one night and painted it with mustache dye. OMG, the next morning you could hear him yelling about it from miles around…LOL

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