Wheres the eyebrows gone then ?

What is it with women who pluck out their eyebrows by the roots so that they never grown back again, only to then have to draw on a new set of eyebrows every morning ?

Can there be a more pointless act, ever ?

We once employed a woman of, shall we say, middle age, who claimed to have once owned a beautician and hairdressing salon, I’m sure she wore a wig so god knows what she had done to her own hair in the past, but she also had no eyebrows at all, she’d plucked out every single piece of hair that grew above her eyes and so had to draw new eyebrows on her face every morning.

Actually I understand why she did what seems to be the most pointless act in the world, ever, she did it because she wasn’t satisfied with ordinary eyebrows, the sort of eyebrows that the whole world carry around with them for the whole of their lives, the sort of eyebrows that grow in a concave manner around the top of your eyes – she didn’t want that sort of eyebrow at all, she thought that she deserved much more in the eyebrow department, for her, eyebrows should do more than just follow the curve of your eyes, eyebrows should have a life of their own.

We also employed a young apprentice at the time, a cheeky little bugger called Brian who was never backward in coming forward with an opinion, he urinated all over himself in the van one day, but thats a different story for another day.

Brian had a name for the woman with no eyebrows who did our accounts, he called her “Batfink”, some of you may remember the cartoon series Batfink, those who don’t will have to check this link to see what he meant.

The woman with no eyebrows apparently thought that it would be a great idea every morning if she drew on her own version of eyebrows as an inverted “V” high above her eyes – her inverted V eyebrows weren’t even where you’d expect her to draw them, they were higher than that, up on her forehead somewhere, an inverted V that gave her the appearance of being permanently goose’d wherever she went.

Occasionally she forget to draw her eyebrows on, probably in too much of a rush, and we’d all notice immediately she walked in the office but none of us would ever say anything to her all day, she’d go home that night and think “I’ll just remove my eyebrows before I go to bed” and look in the mirror and find them gone already, probably spent the rest of the night wracking her brain to recall if she’d ever drawn them on that morning and thinking “Well I must have drawn them on because no-one said anything at work today”.

She’d also rub some red stuff on her cheeks every day, she’d paint the rest of her face white and then rub red stuff on her cheeks, then draw her eyebrows on, honestly she looked like Ronald Mcdonald some mornings, especially this picture of the corporate clown, but with more red on her cheeks.

Christ knows why we sacked her as an accountant, oh actually I do remember why we sacked her, she was rubbish at keeping our books (in the days when you kept proper books and not on a computer), when she was thrown out of the door we had six months worth of invoices to enter in the books and that was a lot of invoices, and of course, she looked like Batfink, that was the other reason.

Its no wonder that her beautician business didn’t do too well.





3 thoughts on “Wheres the eyebrows gone then ?

  1. Oh too funny. At one time I worked in a school district office, and often had to interact with one of the site secretaries. She too was an X beautician and had removed her natural eyebrows. Her’s were drawn on with a dark red pencil , often in a ^ ^ shape on her forehead. The look of total surprise was a bit startling. Plus the general attitude of “it’s my way or else”. I had forgotten about her, so thanks for the memories.

  2. I remember a little old lady who walk up the avenue where I grew up. She had two perfect circles of bright red rouge on her cheeks. It looked like she used a circular stamp with an ink pad, the kind used for card making and craft work! Thanks for the memory.

  3. I just don’t get the makeup thing at all and I live in a house where three women spend all my money on the stuff, and yet if I asked to use it they’d think I had finally flipped,

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