Joanna and her imaginary world

Posh actress Joanna Lumley thinks that children have “slack morals”

Really Joanna ?

I think the country can breath a sigh of relief that you didn’t take up The Sun’s advice and stand for parliament after your Gurkha campaign, our parliament is already well represented by idiots who think that the world was a much better place when they were younger and what is really needed is a return to the days when thrashing children into submission was a good thing to do.

She mentions that during her time as a privileged child who attended boarding school, they only recorded one crime – the theft of a fountain pen – that stealing just did not happen and they were taught not to drop litter, shoplift or behave badly, sounds like heaven Joanna, in fact like heaven it sounds like a made-up place.

I went to a Grammar School, we were supposed to be privileged too, compared to our Ned who did not go to a Grammar School I suppose we were, we had books to write in for a start, and pot inkwells in our desks, nothing identifies the privileged educational provider so much as having pot inkwells in all the desks, even though we stuffed the inkwells full of ink soaked blotting paper and used biros instead.

Theft was rife in our privileged Grammar School, Dave Maud had his army parka stolen one day and we stayed after school with a prefect (another indicator of the privileged school) searching all of the desks in all of the classrooms for it, why on earth we didn’t just decide that whoever had stolen it had probably worn it to go home in I don’t know but thats what we did, and it was while we were searching all the desks that evening that I found a bottle of neat sulphuric acid that had been stolen from the chemistry lab a drop of which somehow found its way onto the bridge of my nose and removed all of the skin from it – I still have the scar to prove it.

We didn’t find the parka by the way, it had been stolen by a loose moraled boy, 1970 it was, those golden years of well behaved schoolchildren.

We had shoplifting too, in fact a certain boy in our form (another indicator of the privileged Grammar School, you call them “forms” rather than “classes”) who later went on to serve a full pensioned term in the police, used to take orders from us every day for the sweets that we wanted him to pilfer from the sweet shop that he passed on his way to school, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that all 30 of us in our form would order stuff from him, his shoplifting was on a commercial basis, he almost needed a van to bring the pilfered stuff to school each morning, he once got caught with all sorts of ill gotten gains in his bag by one of our masters (another indicator of the privileged Grammar School, you call them “masters” instead of “teachers”), said master confiscated all of his stock and we never saw it again, so even our masters were scoffing stolen sweets at lunch time.

No Joanna, the more I think about it the more I believe that you’d make the perfect MP for the party in government, posh, a privileged background, and with bizarre views on society’s ills, you’d fit right in the current Cabinet incumbents.

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