“Errr. we made a slight error in calculating your redundancy pay…”

So April 2009 we liquidate the company and by some quirk of company law I am entitled to claim redundancy money off myself, its true I swear, I was a minority shareholder at the time and as such I held no casting vote on the decision, therefore I am entitled to redundancy, but the company has no money and so I can claim from the governments National Insurance Fund – bugger off, I paid shitloads of money in National Insurance over the years.

One full year later (its a good job I wasn’t waiting for it) a payment arrives in my bank account, the maximum allowed, 26 weeks redundancy pay at the max £320 per week, £8320 – it would have been double that had I not found myself another job and thus forfeited any entitlement to notice pay, but still, free money, you wouldn’t send it back would you, would you ? No I didn’t think so.

And having survived on one wage for a whole twelve months we had run up some bills, overdrafts, credit cards, that sort of shit, so all of the money went one paying those things off and we were on an even keel again, some TV sets and other goodies made up the rest of the money.

And then in June the Insolvency Service wrote to me and these are the exact words they used, “We’re very sorry to inform you that in calculating your redundancy payment we made an error…”

Not again I thought.

I thought errors were reserved exclusively for the dumbfook civil servants at the tax credits office, but no, apparently The Insolvency Service populate their offices with dumbfooks too.

They over-calculated my redundancy payment by £5100, and they wanted it back, they even enclosed an envelope for me to send it back in, a big envelope.

I wrote a letter to them that said something like “Tough titty, I spent the fooking lot” which was true, I had.

Letters passed between us for a few months, I explained how being deficient of one household income for a year had run up the bills and mentioned in passing that it wasn’t very nice to be in such a position as they would themselves be shortly discovering when news of their colossal cock-up reached the ears of my MP, as it surely would once I’d copied him into the correspondence with a note to say that if he, as a newly elected representative of HM’s party of Government wanted to start making savings then I could recommend a place to start looking – he wasn’t interested though wasn’t Greg, bastard, he wanted to help me when he was in opposition though.

I offered to pay them back at £50 a month, we settled on a tad more than that, six years its going to take to pay it back, I like to think of it now as an interest free loan from HM Government to pay off my credit cards – very nice of them.

26 years service though, 26 years and £3000 in redundancy pay – its not quite civil service standards is it ?

and yet still the Inland Revenue had not finished with me…

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