Dear Kay Burley,
I read your recent article on Sky News http://blogs.news.sky.com/kayb/Post:62a6c53b-a9e5-40a6-915c-5e66cbfd619d with interest on how soon-to-be Queen Kate Middleton, (how do you call totty “Ma’am” rhymes with “Ham”), was spotted by one of your news hounds the other day out buying knickers, well, to be precise, a thong, a lacy thong that cost £3.90 and was half price in the sale.
Lets face it Kay, with that sort of in depth detail your trusty News International news hound didn’t just stand at the other side of the road and take her picture, like your picture in your article suggests did he/she ?
No lets be honest Kay, your trusty antipodean sponsored twat of a news hound must have followed her into the store and sidled up to her at the till in order to be able to report detail like the thong’s level of lacy-ness, its price, and the fact that it had a sale tag on it, I bet your boss Rupert just drooled all over his corn flakes when he read that level of detail, the filthy old bugger.
Here’s an thought for the day Kay, I already know that Kate Middleton wears knickers because, well, at least half of the country does, I already know that she shits in a toilet like most other women do, I know that she has periods and that she buys sanitary products for that because at least half of the country’s population do, I don’t really need your undercover news hounds to start trawling through her royal bins to find out what brand of tampon she uses or even at what stage in their marriage she starts buying pregnancy testing kits, I don’t need to know any of this because quite frankly I don’t give a fuck.
What I do know is that the last time your news media vermin did this to a new princess her car ended up wrapped around an underpass pillar in Paris and your boss was severely tempted to go ahead and print the photos of her spilling blood all over the back seat of the wreckage.
Now fuck off and find some proper news to report on.
And so it starts…