I Watched This So You Don’t Have To – The Wrestler

Its hard for me to watch films, mainly because my attention span is just ever so slightly shorter than that of a goldfish, partly because there is a voice inside my head that is constantly telling me all the way through any film that this could never have possibly happened like that, and partly because the three women who live in this house all hog the remote control and get to choose their own films before I get a chance.

So the idea of a regular feature of this blog called “I Watched This So You Don’t Have To” is frankly ridiculous but having achieved the almost impossible feat of watching one film all the way through last night lets give it a go and see where we end up…

The Wrestler (2008)
Starring Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei (My Cousin Vinny)

The Jerrychicken Star Rating – 3/10

Review – Its not very good.

If you have Picturebox on your cable/satellite subscription then you’ll find this film on there this week, for free. For free is not bad value, for free means I’d watch it if you have 109 minutes in your life with absolutely nothing else to do, even doing the ironing or peeling potatoes for tomorrows dinner would be something else to do but if you’re absolutely sure then go ahead and watch it for free.

If however you are stood in a video rental shop reading this on your iPhone (do they still have video rental shops and why would they still call them “video” rental shops) and you are considering whether or not to rent this film for even a few pence then ask the man behind the counter if he’s willing to give you the film for nothing – I’ll bet he is you know for deep down inside he knows that he’s ripping you off, whatever the rental price sticker says.

Everyone has seen Mickey Rourke on TV in recent years and so we don’t need to mention the fact that whatever they did to his face in the name of “cosmetic surgery” has gone terribly wrong, we can only hope that they didn’t have the nerve to charge for it when they unwrapped the bandages and saw what a balls-up they’d made, “You know what Mr Rourke, I’m going to tear up our invoice for this job and I’m going to cancel your direct debit to us, just promise me that when anyone asks where you got this done you’ll tell them that you forgot, will you do that for me ?”

But strangely enough his face works in the context of this film for in the context of this film you can imagine an aged wrestling star like Randy “The Ram” Robinson also going to a bad cosmetic surgeon and having his cheque returned to him afterwards, its an inspired choice but it still doesn’t stop you looking hard at the close ups to see if there is any of the original Mickey Rourke face in there somewhere, there isn’t by the way, I paused the video and everything.

You know how in those science programmes on TV they tell you that if you took a human gut and stretched it out for as far as it would stretch then it would cover a tennis court, or Utah, or something, well the plot to The Wrestler is about as thin as that gut would be when its stretched all over Utah, or something – an ageing wrestler is barely scraping a living by, erm, wrestling, and working part time in a supermarket, lost his family years ago, has unrequited romance with a stripper (chance to see My Cousin Vinny female burr-nikked, pause video here), takes lots of body building chemicals, has heart attack, bums through life without wrestling for most of middle third of film (fast forward this bit at your peril as you’ll miss some more burr-nikkid-ness) and then makes big comeback against arch-enemy during which he has another heart attack and film finishes leaving you to decide whether he dies in ring or not.

Thats about it.

Oh yes, there’s a half decent Bruce Springsteen song right at the end.

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