In which we meet a pair of married wankers.

“Its 100ml, its perfectly legal, LOOK” shouted the man directly in front of me at the security desk

He was waving a 300ml bottle of water at the Greek female security guard who was manning the baggage x-ray machine at Corfu airport, she had already stopped the man’s wife and asked her if she had any liquids in quantities of more than 100ml, the woman had shaken her head, the security guard had noticed the bottle in her hand and told her it was a 300ml bottle.

The woman got very huffy and denied that it was 300ml of water – a different argument – the security guard took the bottle from her and showed her the label which clearly stated that it was a 300ml bottle, there was less than one inch of water in the bottom – there was going to be an argument, you could just tell, and I didn’t want to be stood behind these two wankers, waiting.

The man jumped into the fray, he too had a 300ml bottle of water with less than one inch in the bottom, “Its not even 100ml” he said, waving his bottle in the air but he wouldn’t let the guard take his bottle, keeping a tight grip on it and starting to look rather aggressive as though the whole of his human rights depended upon the 10p worth of water in his bottle.

I sighed deeply, put my bags on the floor and prepared for a long wait, we were stuck behind Mr and Mrs Pedant who seemed to have deliberately each brought one inch of water to the security gate just to have an argument, I felt like snatching the bottle off them myself and throwing them across the check-in hall while telling them not to be so fucking stupid.

Coincidently I’d thrown a full 300ml bottle of water in a bin just minutes before and the thought that I could empty all but one inch worth of water out of it and then have a stand-up row with a female security officer who was armed with a revolver and backed up by two other also armed but much bigger male officers, had never once crossed my mind and if it had I would have told myself not to be such a prick, its only a bottle of frikkin water for gods sake.

They had their five minute argument, they didn’t get shot or wrestled to the ground and handcuffed, mores the pity, and fortunately they didn’t get on our flight because its sods law that they’d have ended up sat next to me bitching all the way home for three and a half hours about how they were going to take the Greek government to the European Court of Human rights for denying them that precious inch of water, I bet they were school teachers, both of them.

And they had to leave their bottles at the x-ray machine.


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