When “the turn” doesn’t do a turn…

There is one thing that I hate about being in a bar enjoying a meal and a drink with friends, its that moment when suddenly they announce that “the turn” is coming on.

“The turn” for those unfortunates not to be of a Northern flavour is of course a performer, an act, a band, a singer – entertainment in a bar or club – “the turn”, as in “Who’s the turn tonight then?”

So you’re sat there enjoying a nice evening with nice friends and the turn comes on, turns up the volume on the bar’s PA system and proceeds to murder some half decent song that you’d have enjoyed much more if they’d just left the background music playing.

Now “the turn” is bad enough but I can cope with “the turn”, usually.

The real problem that I have is when “the turn” decides that you need to be part of his/her act.

They say things like “C’mon everybody, on your feet, clap your hands, sing along with me…”

They get a very short answer from me, usually something very profane involving the word “off” and an adjective that is banned on the BBC before 9pm.

I hate being told by “the turn” to join in with them, it insults me who actually didn’t need “the turn” to be here in the first place in order to enjoy myself, and its demeaning for them because basically they are admitting that they don’t really want you to listen to them at all but would much rather you all made your own entertainment while they scream and whoop from the stage.

I was once on one of my business trips to Barbados and having an evening meal with the owner of the hotel I was working at, we were sat on a balcony looking down at the open air bar area which had a stage for “the turn” to perform, usually a singing group or steel band or similar. This particular evening they had booked a band with a singer who was actually quite good but suddenly int he middle of a Bob Marley song he jumped from the stage and encouraged the guests to form a conga with him and dance around the bar area.

The owner of the hotel looked around until he spotted his entertainment manager and waved him across to our table, when he arrived his words were short and sweet, “Sack the band and don’t ever book them here again”.

The plug was pulled on the stage and some background music played for the rest of the night, the explanation ?

“I don’t pay for a band to use my guests as part of their entertainment package, I pay them to entertain my guests, not the other way around”.

And you know, I can’t fault that logic.

I’m a miserable bugger aren’t I ?



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