This weeks task is to book a venue for a birthday party next May.
Not just any birthday party mind, its the 50th birthday of the woman who is apparently legally entitled to use my surname, my bank account, put her name on the deeds of my house, and remove money from the bedside cabinet on my side of the bed without asking, money that I had mistakenly thought as mine simply for the fact that I’d found it in my pocket.
Its not my money apparently, not even when its still in my pocket.
She wants to go away for the weekend with a group of friends that is at yet not defined by any quantity, which doesn’t make it easy to book somewhere when they ask “How many rooms are you booking?” and you answer “Erm I don’t know yet”.
But it hasn’t got to be a hotel because (and her friends read this but I’ll say it anyway), we are noisy buggers when gathered in a crowd and I’m imagining that her 50th birthday will be noisier than the usual gatherings.
Actually I want to change that last paragraph – the women are noisy buggers, we blokes simply sit around and ponder the fire and occasionally wander off for more logs, its a blokes thing is keeping the outside firepit lit, women don’t understand.
So I’m tasked with hiring a large house for three nights over a weekend in May in either The Lake District, Northumberland or the Yorkshire Coast and so far I’ve found some crackers.
Choice Number One is a pub in the Lake District that has rooms to let, we’d need all of the rooms but the main attraction to the pub is that its also a micro-brewery, we would be staying in a brewery, with Steve, recently retired brewer and Master Beer Drinker, how good is that – and you can take dogs so Jackson could come too, there is no down side.
Choice Number Two is a wooden hut at Staithes on the North Yorks Moors, it really is a wooden hut, a big one its true, its a former WW1 Army barracks converted to as many bedrooms as you want to rent, but basically its still a wooden hut, “I’ve booked a wooden hut for your 50th birthday” is a conversation that I’ve run through many times in my mind and every time I get to the bit that says “wooden hut” she hits me in my mind.
Choice Number Three is Sir Billy Butlins old house on the Yorkshire coast, how cool would that be, up to 24 beds available (big house) and its perched on the cliffs with private access to the beach close to where his now derelict Butlins holiday camp was in Filey, Billy Butlins art deco house right on the beach – I like this one.
Choice Number Four is a large Victorian country house near Scarborough that used to be a private girls school so has dozens of bedrooms and is really posh, I mean really posh, in fact I showed the photos of it to Suzanne and she said it was “too posh for us lot” so maybe thats off the radar, its snobism in reverse and when I look at the photograph of the oak panelled library I have a vision of her, Mary and Janice sharing three bottles of Lambrusco in there and I think I probably agree, its too posh for us lot.