Reasons to hate golf, part two

Last year I was on the search for a car for myself, I was buying it for myself, for me to use, not a company car, this one was for me, my car.

And being the Green sort of person I am, I was attracted by the various manufacturers who boasted of cars that emitted only fresh air from their exhaust pipes, in fact they needed no exhaust pipes for there was nothing to emit, and the cheap road tax that those cars attract, that was attractive too, the thought did cross my mind that paying £20 road tax a year would be good.

The Seat Leon Ecomotive was the first but frankly, Seat need to have a word with their plastics manufacturers and ask them to stop using recycled pop bottles to make their dashboards from because, frankly, its cheap, it looks cheap, it feels cheap, and you can still see the “3p returnable deposit” stamped indelibly into some bits of the dashboard.

And then I visited the VW dealership in Leeds.

I’ve never driven a VW but I know people who have and they speak highly of them, so I searched high and low for the VW dealership in Leeds and found it only one stones throw from Leeds Utd’s football ground, which is an unfortunate way to describe the distance between the two organisations, but there you are.

As I walked into the showroom the first thought that entered my mind was “Pretentious” and then the second thought was “Walk away Renee” which was a strange thought because I don’t normally call myself Renee, but still, anyway the showroom was large, glass, and very white, indeed everything within it was white, white tiled floors, pristine white walls, white furniture, and every car that was in the showroom was, yes, white, all the staff were white and they were all dressed in white shirts, someone who liked white had designed this showroom, someone who perhaps didn’t know that much about cars which actually wasn’t important as the staff didn’t seem to know that much about cars either, as we shall see…

So Jodie was attracted by a white VW Beetle convertible and she went and sat in it and tried to encourage me to buy it to which idea I simply snorted and started to tell her about what a pile of shit the original Beetle was and did she know that Hitler himself had designed it, to which the nearby “sales executive” in his white suit, white shirt and white tie stopped his mobile phone conversation and raised an eyebrow in my direction, I guess that he’d never heard of the Hitler connection to his employers.

Instead I strolled over to a white VW Golf and sat in that, Jodie followed and sat in the passenger seat, “Are we having this instead then?” she asked and I proceeded to tell her that this one was the diesel version and I wanted the Bluemotion eco friendly version, the one with the cheap road tax, remember ?

And then a young lady appeared at the door, the sort of young lady who would normally be seen at fashion shows walking up and down the catwalk modelling clothes or a lack of clothes, except that this time she was attired completely in white with very long white legs, which is all I could see from my sitting position inside the car.

She started to agree with my daughter that this indeed was a very nice white car and yes, the one over there, the white one without a roof on, that was nicer still and she too would have that one if her dad was paying and I felt awful for doing so but I interrupted their girl-a-thon chat about white cars and asked her about the Bluemotion version of this here Golf, but not necessarily in white.

“Yes we do it in blue” she replied and smiled as if it was the stupidest question she’d ever been asked.

“Blue would be good” I replied “but what about Bluemotion?”

She looked a little puzzled

“Cheap road tax” I prompted

“Yes it is” she replied

“No, the Bluemotion has cheap road tax” I suggested, “you know, low emissions”

“I’ll get a catalogue” she suggested

She returned with a whole bunch of catalogues and thrust them into my open arms then turned to Jodie, “Why don’t you let your dad have a look at the white one with no roof on?” she suggested then added “is it for you?”

My guess is that lots of rich dads come in to this white showroom of a weekend with their spoiled daughters and buy them white cars with no roofs, but not this one, not this time, and for the record I sat in the VW Golf and was distinctly unimpressed with it, was all rather 1970s, I almost expected to have to fit my own stereo into a wooden centre console that you bought hand made in little car accessory shops, AM radio only and 8 track stereo.

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