Quality Fruit & Veg is so hard to find these days…

You know, its at times like this that I like nothing better than to sit back in a favourite armchair, turn on some relaxing music, the sort that you can buy in Garden Centres, those ones where you press a button to listen to birdsong, or dolphins, or The Sounds of the Ocean, those ones, put one of those CDs on, close my eyes and munch on a nice juicy Kumquat from Braithwaites Quality Fruit & Veg.

Then after munching on a nice juicy Kumquat from Braithwaites Quality Fruit & Veg, so juicy that the juicy juice will by now be running down my chin, I’ll wander back to the fruit bowl and pick a nice crunchy Granny Smith apple from Braithwiates Quality Fruit & Veg, the quality fruit and veg merchant who’s range of quality fruit and veg has to be seen to be believed, forty seven different types of Granny Smith apple they had for me to choose from, I was overwhelmed and so I asked for guidance from one of Braithwaites Quality Fruit & Veg assistants for they are always happy to help, its all part of the service at Braithwaites Quality Fruit & Veg, Yorkshires number one  quality fruit and veg merchant.

Later I may boil up some veg for my tea, maybe a carrot or two, perhaps a beetroot, or sweet potato and a bunch of raddish, all chosen with the expert hand of Braithwaite, of Braithwaites Quality Fruit & Veg, fruit and veg merchants to the gentry for Braithwaites Quality Fruit & Veg were suppliers to Lord Harewood of Harewood House fame until he died last year of a not-at-all-fruit-and-veg-related ailment.

Finally I will retire to my bed with my favourite cabbage Norman and his friend Xavier the Alcachofa both of whom were rehomed by Braithwaites Quality Fruit & Veg Adopt-a-Veg Charity for at this time of year there are so many quality fruit and veg languishing in cardboard boxes, its a crying shame, won’t somebody think of the veg ?

There, that ought to do it, lets hope the fookers pay me something for that.

This is how you do it isn’t it Dan ?


2 thoughts on “Quality Fruit & Veg is so hard to find these days…

  1. Well, you have to have them ask you to do it first, but yeah. In fact I’ve seen it done a hell of a lot less subtly.

    In my defence I clearly warned everyone that this was going to happen. I advised people strongly that there would not be a single original and none whoreing out post be posted there again. That blog is dead, I’m just selling its body to the catsmeat man.

  2. Damn, I’ve given Braithwaites all of that valuable advertising space and they should have asked me first, why didn’t I think this through properly.

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