Buying a tree…

Its true you know, you can buy ANYTHING on eBay these days.

I’m looking for a tree, a proper live tree, with roots and leaves and everything to plant halfway up the garden and as the eucalyptus tree that I bought on eBay four years ago has been an outstanding success reaching twelve foot high by last year until I pruned it mercilessly back down to just a four foot stump, then I thought I’d look for another one of them.

That one was just four foot high when I bought it and the postman moaned like buggery as he howked it up the road and tried to stuff it through the letterbox, don’t laugh, he actually did try and stuff it through the letterbox and the vendor hadn’t exactly packaged it well for its journey by simply wrapping the tree in old newspaper and sellotaping the lot together.

But it survived planting out in a wooden planter next to the fish pond and then in year two it just took off and grew about eight foot tall which I had to chop down as the autumn winds got up as it would tip over the planter. Last year I butchered it down to a stump and instead of growing upwards it grew outwards and we now have what looks like a Eucalyptus bush rather than a tree, they are tough old birds are Eucalyptus trees.

So I want another one and I’ve found an eighteen foot tall one on eBay for sale and at the moment its only ¬£15, I’m in a good mind to get it bought and insist that the vendor wraps it in old newspaper and posts it by Royal Mail, just to see our postie try and drag it up the street again.

Oh and one more thing, when I bought the first tree I bought some sapling Broom shrub things, paid five pounds on eBay for ten saplings.

I should have read the listing properly, it said “cuttings” not “growing healthy plants” when they arrived inside some wrapped up newspaper (newspaper seems to be very popular with horticulturists) they turned out to be ten twigs and I mean literally just ten twigs, like twigs you could pick up off the street or off the floor in a park under a tree any old day of the week, which is most likely what the vendor had done.

I planted them anyway and left them for two whole years, nothing happened, and when I finally pulled them out of the ground they were still twigs, I bought some twigs on eBay.

I am so gullible.


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