We have a poltergeist you know.
Have I written about this before, I can’t remember now, have I ?
I don’t think I have, it was on Facebook, or maybe not.
Anyway, yes, where were we, we have a poltergeist in our house, just like in that film, erm, Poltergeist, thats the one, we’ve got one of those and all of us have seen it happen.
Its a strange poltergeist mind, all it does is remove one of the drawers out of a chest of drawers.
Its in the hall, right next to Jacksons very comfortable bed, wait, there’s something else.
I’ve had this pillow for years you see, no this is nothing to do with the poltergeist, this is a sort of side-ramble in true Ronnie Corbett stylee, anyway, I’ve had this pillow on my side of the bed for years and years and its nearly flat now, but its comfortable and I like it, but the wife doesn’t and she’s been saying for ages that I need to get rid, I’ve resisted.
And then just this week I walk in the house and there is Jackson laying on his bed at the end of the hallway, and he’s looking extremely comfortable and I’ve no reason to doubt that he’s laid like that all day the lazy sod, and he won’t even lift his head off the pillow to greet me because he’s so comfortable – and its then that I notice, Jackson doesn’t normally have a pillow, dogs don’t have pillows they have sponge foam beds in washable fabrics, well now he’s got a sponge foam bed in washable fabric AND he’s got a pillow.
Yes, its my pillow, the wife has given my pillow to the dog, bloody outrageous and now he’s slobbered his German Shepherd slobber all over it he knows I’m not going to take it off him, bastard.
So, where were we,
Yes, right next to where Jackson lays his head on my pillow now is a chest of drawers, its a big traditional sort of chest of drawers, not your cheap Ikea style at all, its made of solid pine, its heavy, and whats more important to this story is that the drawers are double width and they too are solid pine, 10mm planks of pine, in short they are heavy drawers.
And because its a traditional chest of drawers there are no fancy-dan runners on the drawers, the drawers slide in and out without mechanical aid at all and you have to pull each drawer out by grasping both knobs and pulling the drawer out evenly, if the drawer comes out on a slant then it will jam, if you try to pull the drawer out with just one hand, it will jam – we’re clear on that now ?
And of course being in the hallway these drawers are just full of the collected shite of a household that just jams more and more stuff into chests of drawers and then never thinks about clearing them out, there’s a load of mini-discs in one of those drawers, ha-ha, mini-discs, who the hell still has mini-discs these days, me, thats who.
So, its a big heavy chest of drawers then and there’s no way that even a big 40kg German Shepherd Dog could shift one of those drawers for dogs don’t have thumbs and he’d not be able to pull the drawers out evenly by grasping the two knobs and pulling gently, oh no, not even if we kept his biscuits in there, which we don’t, just in case he’s reading this.
So here’s where the poltergeist appears – on at least four occasions when we have been in the house we have heard a heavy thud from the hallway and when we’ve gone out there the second drawer up on the heavy chest of drawers has been laying on the floor in front of the drawers, not just pulled out a short way, but pulled right out and dropped onto the floor.
We’ve never seen it actually happen but more than one of us has been in the house on each occasion and we’ve always all heard it (well you would, dropping a heavy drawer like that on the floor) and been on the scene within seconds of it happening.
And the thing is, on each of those occasions Jackson has been laying right next to it in his bed just staring at it with a slightly puzzled look on his face as if he’s seen it happen but he wasn’t freaked out by it.
We have no explanation at all, we’ve even hooked his collar around one of the knobs and tried to get him to pull the drawer out but he can’t because it jams if you only pull on one handle.
Don’t stand too close to that TV Carol Anne.