“Have you paid for the suits ?”
“Yes I’ve paid for the suits”
“Did you get the money out of the bank for the cake, she needs the money for the cake?”
“Yes I got the money out of the bank for the cake”
“Have you booked the hotel rooms for your lot ?”
“Yes I’ve booked my mum and dads room, the rest can book their bloody own”
“Have you sorted out who’s bringing your Auntie Beattie ?”
“No you haven’t”
“Look, someone will bring her, my dad will bring her”
“In a Toyota Celica, with three other people ?”
“I’ll sort it, LIKE I’M SORTING EVERYTHING ELSE”
Saturday September 10th 1983, the start of my last week as a free man and I’m being hassled by the woman who would shortly permanently bond herself with epoxy resin to my bank account, and everything. It seemed like her checklist of “Things to do for the wedding” was growing longer by the minute and it seemed that most of the “Things to do for the wedding” were my responsibility.
That very same afternoon we went shopping for my “going-away-outfit”, yes I know its customary for the bride to have a “going-away-outfit”, a nice dress or stuff for her to wear at the end of the evening “do” as the newly married couple depart for their honeymoon, but I wanted a “going-away-outfit” too, after all, we were “going-away” all the way to Gosforth almost five miles away so I had to wear something special for the occasion, its not every day that you get to go all the way to Gosforth you know.
And so we ventured a couple of miles down the road to North Shields and that ultimate of trendy shopping outlets, Top Shop. God knows what North Shields had done to deserve getting their own Top Shop, presumably the Mayor of North Shields had given the directors of Top Shop the shop for free for in a survey of small insignificant towns to choose an outlet for the trendiest of trendy retail outlets in 1983, you’d probably pick North Shields only after exhausting all of the other contenders, but whatever, North Shields had its very own Top Shop and so that where we went for my “going-away” outfit – that and the fact that we were skint but I had a Top Shop store card and so could buy my trendy togs on tick.
White, I dressed all in white for my “going away” outfit, white trousers, white shirt, white cricket jumper thrown casually over the shoulders in a style reminiscent of Sebastian in “Brideshead Revisited” (which is where I got the idea from, almost bought a teddy bear to carry around too but thought better of the idea), and a pair of white canvas shoes.
I must have looked like a right pillock and fortunately there are no photographs in existence, in fact there are no photographs of me on our wedding day at all but thats another story, the only saving grace of looking like a right pillock was that actually, dressing all in white like Sebastian off Brideshead Revisited was considered normal at the time for this was 1983 folks, people dressed like right pillocks all the time – HAVE YOU SEEN PICTURES OF BOY GEORGE ????
Look this blokes got white trousers on, and his haircut is much more of a pillocks haircut than mine ever was …