The Hearing Aid

Eventually our dad acknowledged the truth that we’d all been telling him for a long time – he was going deaf, gone deaf in one ear definitely and so browsing the adverts in the Sunday People one, erm, Sunday, he replied to an advert that promised “The worlds smallest and yet most powerful, and by extension the best, hearing aid, ever”.

Someone from the company rang him, they’ll send a rep around they said, and so they did.

Now as has previously been indicated our dad was not a one to spend his money freely, indeed he was not a one to spend his money at all, and he barely even acknowledged that he needed a hearing aid in the first place so why he would agree to see a salesman is beyond me, but he did and the salesman turned up one evening.

He was there most of the evening, like about four hours, starting with a hearing test which even our dad admitted seemed to be very conclusive that he was, in his parlance “a bit mutton”, he tried on several earpieces and had also to admit that they were very small and unobtrusive and indeed, as you’d expect from a hearing aid, aided your hearing wonderfully, volume wise.

And then, when all the talk was exhausted, when tea had been drunk, the football results discussed, only then did the thorny issue of price get raised.

“So how much is this one then ?” asked our dad of the salesman
“This is our best one sir” answered the salesman
“Yes but how much ?”
“See how beautifully sculpted it is, how easily it slips into the ear”
“Aye, I know, but how much ?”
“Its fully fitted and serviced for life you know”
“Yes I do know, you said, but how much ?”
“Eight ninety nine”
“Eight ninety nine ?”
“Yes, eight ninety nine”
“Well thats cheap”
“Yes we think so too”
“Eight ninety nine for all this ?”
“Yes, eight ninety nine”
“Eight ninety nine and its fully serviced ?”
“For life sir”
“Well I’ll have one for eight ninety nine then”
“Very good choice sir”
“Is that on a direct debit then ?”
“No its a cash sale sir”
“So I write you a cheque for eight pound ninety nine every month ?”
“Erm, no sir, its eight hundred and ninety nine pounds to buy it, plus an annual service charge”
“YOU BLOODY IDIOT, GET OUT”

The salesman was back out on the street within ten seconds and his bag came flying out of the door some time later.

He never bothered with a hearing aid after that.